


not the boy he fell in love with

by haeteddy



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Breakup, M/M, a sad one, i dont even know why i wrote this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:27:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24155080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haeteddy/pseuds/haeteddy
Summary: sometimes relationships don't work out. that is the harsh reality mark and donghyuck have to face with their current relationship.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 1
Kudos: 28





	not the boy he fell in love with

**Author's Note:**

> this is a sad one so if you don't like sad fics with bad endings... you probably shouldn't read this..  
> i hope you enjoy it (even though its sad) <3

“Mark, you can’t just…”, Donghyuck starts but gets interrupted immediately.

“Of course I can, who are you to decide what I can and cannot do”, Mark shouts furiously.  
Donghyuck needs to get out. The air in this room is suffocating him instead of giving him the needed air to breathe. His whole body feels the need to escape.

“I need air”, he plainly says and runs out of the room. No attempts from Mark to stop him.

When he is outside, he stays still for a while. The cold air pricking on his skin, his breath visible within it. A million thoughts in his head. All of them including the boy he just left. 

Mark and Donghyuck fight so much it almost feels like their daily routine. Donghyuck doesn’t even know when it started, one day they just started fighting and since then it has gotten more frequent. It hurts Donghyuck more than anything. Even more than when he accidentally burned his hand, even more than when he fell down a fence and broke his left rib. It is more than just physical pain, it hurts his head too. Not a day goes by without him thinking hours and hours of how he could repair their relationship. And it feels like trying to repair a broken christmas bulb. Or a broken flip flop. Non repairable. 

While Donghyuck walks down the icy path of Mark’s house, he feels like choking. The whole situation with Mark has always felt like two hands on his throat, and now the hands are starting to squeeze. Nothing gives him any kind of happiness these days, neither of them have even tried to mend themselves. All day they fight. At some point Donghyuck always leaves. The next day it starts again. To Donghyuck it feels like a never ending circle. He feels bad for wanting it to end, he admits that he wishes it would end well. But he also knows the most possible outcome is going to break him into many, tiny different pieces. 

When Mark and Donghyuck started dating, it was all perfect. Like a summer day in june. Like watching a bee collecting nectar from a flower. Like eating your favorite candy. Together they felt so high, as if they truly were on the clouds. And now it is the fall from the highest cloud in the sky. Slow, terrifying. But also fast, and still terrifying. Donghyuck can’t even explain to himself what it feels like to be so hopeless about something. He can’t even pinpoint why their relationship is turning out this way.

Donghyuck is walking down the trail he has been walking all week. He stops at a frozen lake and kneels down. One icy tear falling down his cheek.

Then he starts talking.

“I don’t know even know why I am talking to a stupid lake. But I need to get this out. Because it is breaking me… Right now Mark is not the same boy I fell in love with. I really don’t know who he is anymore. Being with him feels so different, sometimes I even wonder if he still is the one for me. And it hurts me so bad. The fact that I think about him as someone else than the person I wanna be with forever.” Donghyuck takes a break, there’s another tear rolling down. He licks it off with his tongue.  
“When I wake up in the morning, I feel cold. And I know it is not the actual cold. My inside feels cold. Like it’s fucking freezing.” 

After his words, he keeps on staring at the lake. He can’t really see his own reflection, he knows it is because the lake is frozen. But he blames it on the fact that he feels like he lost himself. Everything around him is frozen, even himself. Donghyuck gets up again, leaving the lake behind him. 

And this is the point he decides that he needs to leave the negative behind him. For Mark’s and his own wellbeing. Even if it means losing Mark.  
So with fast feet he walks home. His head is empty but also full. He almost runs, so he can’t even think about turning around. So he can’t think about how he might see Mark as ‘his’ Mark for the last time today. 

As he arrives before Mark’s doorstep, he stops. His lungs feel like burning, his body trembling. With shaky hands, he opens the door. When he steps inside, there is no one to be seen.

“Mark?”, he asks and runs his hand through his cold locks nervously. At first there is no reply but then he hears footsteps.

“I’m here”, he hears Mark saying and then sees the boy walking into the room. Mark’s eyes are puffy, his skin almost as white as the snow outside. 

“I feel like I know what’s going to happen”, Mark whispers and tears are beginning to form in his red eyes. Donghyuck looks at the floor, not able to see the state of his boyfriend. He hates himself for the fact that he is the one who made Mark so sad, although he should be the one to make him happy.  
“H-Hyuck”, Mark says and steps closer to Donghyuck. That’s when Donghyuck raises his eyes to look into Mark’s. He has never seen such a look of desperation in Mark’s eyes and it almost makes him scream out loud. There are goosebumps forming on his whole body. 

“The last few days have been absolute torture for the both of us. And I know what is happening is beyond repairable. With my entire heart I truly hate to admit that this is not working out. God, Hyuck…”, Mark starts, a loud sob stopping him for a few seconds.  
“I still love you so much. I don’t know why I get angry at you so fast. You don’t know how much I tried to love you better, to show you my love. But somehow whenever I try, there is something turning my love into the complete opposite. Maybe we just are not meant to be…”.  
His own words make Mark sob so hard, he has to hold on to the doorframe. 

“Mark…”, Donghyuck says, while crying himself.. “None of us can explain why this is happening. Maybe we are like the sun and moon, we just can’t be together. The time with you has been so amazing. Hell, I don’t even know if I will ever want someone as much as I want you. I don’t know if I ever will feel so much for someone as I feel for you. But we know being with each other is not the place to be at right now.” 

Mark nods his head, no words coming out of his mouth. Only sobs can be heard from him and Donghyuck. 

“Can I kiss you for the last time?”, Mark asks when they both calmed down a tiny bit. There are still silent tears running down his face. Donghyuck knows they shouldn’t. However, he also knows that he needs to taste the boy for the last time. The taste he knows like the back of his head. The feeling of his favorite pair of lips on his. So Donghyuck agrees. 

Slowly, Mark steps forward, all while staring into Donghyuck’s eyes. There is a silent exchange between them. A promise to never forget about each other.  
Next thing, Mark softly lays his lips on Donghyuck’s. Their tears mixing together like an estuary. The kiss is overwhelming, both trying to put all the love and memories they ever shared with each other in it. They kiss each other so desperately. Both of them don’t want to pull back, enjoying the feeling of their lips touching once more. For the last time. As they finally pull back, there are two hearts slowly breaking. 

“I will miss you”, Donghyuck is the first to speak up.

“I will miss you, too”, Mark responds and steps back. The cold suddenly surrounding him again.  
Donghyuck looks into Mark’s eyes one last time, he tries to tell him that he will be okay. That they will be okay. Without each other. Or maybe with each other, but not right now. Eventually, he turns around and walks away from the boy that will always hold a piece of his heart.


End file.
